Niou Masaharu

A work of art.

 If you see a store with Christmas chocolates out already... do you think they're left overs they're trying to get rid of from last Christmas before they go stale? Or are they fresh ones getting out early for Christmas this year?




I shall begin my chocolate santa hunt months early. The one I bought today was unacceptable, it had a distinctive face.

Text to Yukimura

Hey Seiichi, open your window and let me in.

After devouring a whole packet of candies today, I have constructed a series of stages that one goes through in the process.

1-3: general enjoyment of the whole affair

4-6: vague guilt over enjoying them so much but oh well

7-8: guilt gone, enjoying them again

9-10: perhaps I should have saved some for tomorrow, maybe feeling a bit sick, mistakes were made

11-12: might as well finish the packet since leaving one or two for later seems cruel to my future self. the last candy is consumed with some regret


With that all consumed, I am now looking forward to the discount valentines chocolate come next week. I am planning on employing the use of a blow torch to meld a series of heart shaped monstrosities into a crown to declare my conquering of the general ridiculous affair of valentines.


(ooc: with all the ridiculousness over and now being back at home... I'm off hiatus :D)

A question for the masses.

If your best friend from school suddenly showed up at your door after disappearing on you for two and a half years with no explanation or any communication... what would you do?


Would this reaction be any different if it was at your bedroom window instead of your front door?

Normally I'm in the habit of denying my birthday exists and avoid the endless annual realisation that I'm ageing one more year and getting closer to my inevitable future as an old hunched man feeding ducks on a pond and not talking to anyone as I wander back to my little isolated home with the sun.

However, I was shopping the other day and saw this:





I've fallen in love. I've gone back every day since to look at it.

Someone buy this for me for my birthday. I shall use it to make tea everyday and I shall call it Cassibel. "Cassie" for short.

So I went to the toilet alone the other day and it was so disturbingly quiet in there, it was like peeing in a library, I could hear myself bouncing off the toilets. And I got the most terrifying thought while I was there. My friend from school has reentered my life as some weird green haired, taller version of himself.

I even rang him as I had the thought and he didn't pick up. It was most suspicious.

I think I've found evidence for the existence of clones.

Pay Attention Please.


I've become aware of quite a few blossoming relationships around the universities lately and in the interest of public safety, I'm going to offer up some of the knowledge that I've harvested through my adventures around the globe.

I'm very knowledgeable.


1. Girls can get pregnant easily. Take all precautions against this. Unless you want a baby, in which case, proceed as per normal.

2. Again, above. Did you know that girls can get pregnant through something innocent like hand holding? Make sure to wear condoms on your hands at all times that you think there may be potential for hand holding, just in case.

3. Did you know that sitting next to girls too closely can result also in pregnancy if your testosterone levels are too high - see Sanada Genichirou as a prime example of this. To avoid this, either keep a distance of at least 1.67 m between you and any female specimens or wrap yourself tightly up in cling film. Most of the cling film should be directed at your waist and below. Stay safe, brothers.

4. DO NOT KISS PEOPLE without proper protection in place. Besides the many dangers of saliva-borne diseases, girls can also get pregnant through kissing. To best avoid this, use part of a rubber glove to cover your mouth and give you the ability to use your tongue still. It's a handy method.

5. Did you know that girls have peak periods where they are more likely to get pregnant from nearby contact with males?! ALL CONTACT SHOULD BE AVOIDED DURING THIS TIME. However luckily, there's an easy way to check, since their belly buttons go blue when they're in this period. Isn't biology and evolution fascinating?

6. Unless you are 100% sure there is nothing wrong with their baked goods, there is a high recommendation from leading scientific bodies not to eat them as their pheromones that are transferred through baked goods can actually result in higher amounts of body hair, particularly centered around the ears and the nasal cavity. IF YOU ARE UNSURE, take the baked goods to a qualified member of the Safe Interactions Association to have them tested.

Protip: I'm a qualified member and happy to help all of my brothers here.

7. Don't let girls near your clothes. Try to time your laundry washing days on days that they won't be around the laundry rooms. Having them nearby has been seen to increase the changes of shrinkage and of random pink stains. Unless you really want some pink shirts and underwear, avoid this at all cost. DO NOT wear the clothing if it has gone into this state and its a way of the female species of recruiting more members. DO NOT. I REPEAT DO NOT WEAR THE CLOTHES THAT HAVE BEEN DAMAGED INTO THIS STATE.

8. I highly recommend carrying some kind of safety device to get between you and a female suddenly if you find yourself unprepared and faced with a female in her peak period and/or without condoms to protect yourself. Such devices can be as simple as a trash bag in your pocket to erect between you and the female species. If you don't feel that's adequate protection - and good on your safety conscious mind if that's the case - you can use stronger alternatives such as the tops of trash cans and/or car doors a la Captain America. That there is a real safety conscious fellow.



If you need any further advice and/or any questions answered, I'm always here to help and happy to keep my brothers in this world safe.

Because there's so many people here I don't know, I require all of you to fill out the below questionnaire for me so I can gather all the answers and refer to the extremely vital information I'm collecting as I try to communicate with you and skip the excruciatingly awkward exchange of greetings and name givings before falling into uncomfortable silence. Cooperation would be appreciated.

I'll do your tax returns in exchange, if you still haven't done them.

See an example below the cut if you're stuck. I filled it out for one of my close, dear friends whose information I already know perfectly from years of association.

Name:
Suggested nickname:
Embarrassing childhood nickname:
Star sign:
Mortal enemy:
Mortal enemy star sign:
Preferred pant leg length:
Bicep muscle circumference:
T-shirt size:
Current underwear colour:
Warm beverage of choice:
Lukewarm beverage of choice:
Cold beverage of choice:
Greatest distance travelled by a paper aeroplane made by you:

And bonus points for a fun fact about yourself:

( Example below )