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A Very Important Post
Oct. 12th, 2015 09:36 amPay Attention Please.
I've become aware of quite a few blossoming relationships around the universities lately and in the interest of public safety, I'm going to offer up some of the knowledge that I've harvested through my adventures around the globe.
I'm very knowledgeable.
1. Girls can get pregnant easily. Take all precautions against this. Unless you want a baby, in which case, proceed as per normal.
2. Again, above. Did you know that girls can get pregnant through something innocent like hand holding? Make sure to wear condoms on your hands at all times that you think there may be potential for hand holding, just in case.
3. Did you know that sitting next to girls too closely can result also in pregnancy if your testosterone levels are too high - see Sanada Genichirou as a prime example of this. To avoid this, either keep a distance of at least 1.67 m between you and any female specimens or wrap yourself tightly up in cling film. Most of the cling film should be directed at your waist and below. Stay safe, brothers.
4. DO NOT KISS PEOPLE without proper protection in place. Besides the many dangers of saliva-borne diseases, girls can also get pregnant through kissing. To best avoid this, use part of a rubber glove to cover your mouth and give you the ability to use your tongue still. It's a handy method.
5. Did you know that girls have peak periods where they are more likely to get pregnant from nearby contact with males?! ALL CONTACT SHOULD BE AVOIDED DURING THIS TIME. However luckily, there's an easy way to check, since their belly buttons go blue when they're in this period. Isn't biology and evolution fascinating?
6. Unless you are 100% sure there is nothing wrong with their baked goods, there is a high recommendation from leading scientific bodies not to eat them as their pheromones that are transferred through baked goods can actually result in higher amounts of body hair, particularly centered around the ears and the nasal cavity. IF YOU ARE UNSURE, take the baked goods to a qualified member of the Safe Interactions Association to have them tested.
Protip: I'm a qualified member and happy to help all of my brothers here.
7. Don't let girls near your clothes. Try to time your laundry washing days on days that they won't be around the laundry rooms. Having them nearby has been seen to increase the changes of shrinkage and of random pink stains. Unless you really want some pink shirts and underwear, avoid this at all cost. DO NOT wear the clothing if it has gone into this state and its a way of the female species of recruiting more members. DO NOT. I REPEAT DO NOT WEAR THE CLOTHES THAT HAVE BEEN DAMAGED INTO THIS STATE.
8. I highly recommend carrying some kind of safety device to get between you and a female suddenly if you find yourself unprepared and faced with a female in her peak period and/or without condoms to protect yourself. Such devices can be as simple as a trash bag in your pocket to erect between you and the female species. If you don't feel that's adequate protection - and good on your safety conscious mind if that's the case - you can use stronger alternatives such as the tops of trash cans and/or car doors a la Captain America. That there is a real safety conscious fellow.
If you need any further advice and/or any questions answered, I'm always here to help and happy to keep my brothers in this world safe.
I've become aware of quite a few blossoming relationships around the universities lately and in the interest of public safety, I'm going to offer up some of the knowledge that I've harvested through my adventures around the globe.
I'm very knowledgeable.
1. Girls can get pregnant easily. Take all precautions against this. Unless you want a baby, in which case, proceed as per normal.
2. Again, above. Did you know that girls can get pregnant through something innocent like hand holding? Make sure to wear condoms on your hands at all times that you think there may be potential for hand holding, just in case.
3. Did you know that sitting next to girls too closely can result also in pregnancy if your testosterone levels are too high - see Sanada Genichirou as a prime example of this. To avoid this, either keep a distance of at least 1.67 m between you and any female specimens or wrap yourself tightly up in cling film. Most of the cling film should be directed at your waist and below. Stay safe, brothers.
4. DO NOT KISS PEOPLE without proper protection in place. Besides the many dangers of saliva-borne diseases, girls can also get pregnant through kissing. To best avoid this, use part of a rubber glove to cover your mouth and give you the ability to use your tongue still. It's a handy method.
5. Did you know that girls have peak periods where they are more likely to get pregnant from nearby contact with males?! ALL CONTACT SHOULD BE AVOIDED DURING THIS TIME. However luckily, there's an easy way to check, since their belly buttons go blue when they're in this period. Isn't biology and evolution fascinating?
6. Unless you are 100% sure there is nothing wrong with their baked goods, there is a high recommendation from leading scientific bodies not to eat them as their pheromones that are transferred through baked goods can actually result in higher amounts of body hair, particularly centered around the ears and the nasal cavity. IF YOU ARE UNSURE, take the baked goods to a qualified member of the Safe Interactions Association to have them tested.
Protip: I'm a qualified member and happy to help all of my brothers here.
7. Don't let girls near your clothes. Try to time your laundry washing days on days that they won't be around the laundry rooms. Having them nearby has been seen to increase the changes of shrinkage and of random pink stains. Unless you really want some pink shirts and underwear, avoid this at all cost. DO NOT wear the clothing if it has gone into this state and its a way of the female species of recruiting more members. DO NOT. I REPEAT DO NOT WEAR THE CLOTHES THAT HAVE BEEN DAMAGED INTO THIS STATE.
8. I highly recommend carrying some kind of safety device to get between you and a female suddenly if you find yourself unprepared and faced with a female in her peak period and/or without condoms to protect yourself. Such devices can be as simple as a trash bag in your pocket to erect between you and the female species. If you don't feel that's adequate protection - and good on your safety conscious mind if that's the case - you can use stronger alternatives such as the tops of trash cans and/or car doors a la Captain America. That there is a real safety conscious fellow.
If you need any further advice and/or any questions answered, I'm always here to help and happy to keep my brothers in this world safe.
